It took me a while; but finally I got in the Christmas spirit this year. It generally takes me a while. I ease in to it; like getting into a swimming pool, I resist, inch by inch, until finally finding my motivation, I take the plunge.
The last three years I flew back east to have Christmas with my family. Oh, the tumult and hullabaloo--the good kind, yes, but expensive and exhausting. By the time I got home last vacation, I needed a vacation! The year before, my car skidded on black ice as I left the airport. I got home by tow truck at 2:00 am. The two blown front tires and rims cost me another $500.
I realized in September there wouldn't be enough PTO to go to Santa Fe in November AND New Jersey at Christmas. All indicators said: stay home, put up your tree, save your energy, stay quiet, stay home this year. And so I did.
Here I am, Christmas Day, feeling a little both ways. There's the knowing I did good extending cheer to people I love. But without being there, it's hard to feel a part of their excitement. Christmas isn't just for children. For sure, one of my joys is seeing them get in to it, tracking Santa on Christmas Eve and then opening presents in the morning. Not being there this year, I miss out all that. On the other hand, there's no chaos this year. It feels odd, unlike Christmas without the frenetic energy. Then there's the compulsive shopping I do. Past years, I made myself crazy shopping after I got to NJ. Listen, the shopping in Kansas City can't hold a candle to New Jersey. Plus, there's no tax on clothes or shoes there. It's irresistible!
Is it easier to shop here and ship things early? Hmmm. I spent a lot less doing things ahead of time. Should I be doing that even if I fly there? Do people actually do that? The truth is I have no shut-off valve to stop me buying for the kids when I still have time. Even from a distance, I sent extra presents at the last minute (God bless Priority Mail) including a pop-up gift card holder for the girls! They told me this morning, they loved the card as much as the present--$$ to spend at the Lush store. How gratifying is that!
With the presents sent, I felt pretty good about myself for a couple of days. There were more cards and tags to make, a Secret Santa thing at work to gear up for and the annual holiday gathering with my work team. We usually do a White Elephant exchange at a restaurant. But this year I knew I wasn't traveling and needed an excuse to clean the house, so I invited everyone over, adding Chanukah to our celebration. The house smelled like onions and oil for days after!
But what about Christmas? Getting the tree up finally felt good. Still, thinking about not being with my family for the holiday left me feeling sad and a little empty. I forgot how I don't like being completely alone on holidays. So, I decided not to let that happen. I went looking for my joy. For me that means the joy I get in giving and seeing people happy in receiving. What did I do? I went shopping for food presents and planning who was going to get what. No, not cookies. Sugar is not my body's friend. Everyone makes cookies. I made puff pastry! And the real giving--creations of love--began: apple tart and curried chicken salad for church Sunday morning, shrimp ring for Christmas Eve's "Lessons and Carols" service Sunday afternoon (and another for my neighbor's Christmas Eve), a glazed ham and my famous corn custard pudding for my co-workers at Silent Unity on Christmas Day and Chinese cabbage and bacon for me! (I could order out Chinese food, but I like my own just as well. Plus, this is Kansas City, not New York or New Jersey. The 'good' Chinese food means driving to Overland Park, KS; I am not leaving my house again today, no way no how.
So why take food to my co-workers? Even though I got off today and tomorrow, many of my co-workers weren't so lucky. Silent Unity never closes. It's a joy to cook for them and make their holiday a little special, just as it is a joy to bring deliciousness to fellowship at church and to my neighbors who do so much for me.
All is well in my world now. People are happy with their goodies and my kitchen is clean. I even washed the floor for good measure. I'm warm and cozy in my big hooded sweatshirt and warmest leggings, with two movies waiting for me and not one reason to leave the house until tomorrow.
Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope Santa brought you some awesome art supplies (or at least some gift cards). Tomorrow is sale day at my favorite stamp stores! The joy just keeps coming!
May the joy of the Divine spirit alive in the world--your Christ nature--be reborn in you today and all year long!
Blessings and blue skies,
Lesley
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